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In that same meditation center, I remember keeling over unconscious, one day, in the middle of meditating in the Zendo, which I believe marked the true beginning of my search for something more. I am certain that the reason I keeled over was that my breathing, in its familiar, but unconscious holding pattern of repressed, sub-optimal breathing (and held in feelings) was on a collision course with the awakening spiritual energy beginning to course through me, instigated by my meditation. This collision resulted in me passing out and falling over (lucky for me, I was sitting on the floor, and did not have far to fall!). It was at that point that I began a more urgent search for something that could free me from the reverberating constraints and severe dysfunction of my family and alcoholic upbringing, and the pain of my past, which continued to haunt and disturb me in the present. Like a steady, slow pressure-cooker, this pain continued to simmer beneath the surface, and the overwhelming desire for relief from my emotional “crock pot” ultimately led me to leave behind my Zen days, in search of something more, and to eventually discover breathwork. I honor all practices I have done in my lifetime as contributors to who I have become in this “saging” process of life. Even when I have left them behind, I have always taken their wisdom with me. I like myself. I even like myself in spite of my perceived weaknesses and “faults.” In my daily life I consider myself, for the most part, a happy person. I have not achieved everything I have wanted with my life, nor am I always doing things that I “like” in my life’s circumstances. Even with that truth stated, I still am, for the most part, peaceful with myself, and with my life. I could never have said that in my “Zendo days”… I was a very unhappy individual in so many respects, in my twenties. And then, that pressing unhappiness, and the quest for “something more” led me to discover the miracle of conscious connected breathing that was known as … “rebirthing.” In many instances, our lives have become so hectic, busy, and complex as to be unmanageable and without real ‘feeling recognition,’ or recognition of what our true feelings are, not to mention, how and where we may have hidden, suppressed or “stashed” our real feelings and emotions. The treadmill of survival, the perceived and real economic threats facing the world today, both conscious and unconscious remembrances of earlier family events, or any number of perceived emotional threats, including relationships under stress, can put us into a state, recognized or not, of high anxiety. Holding the breath is our “hedge against inflation,” quite literally! Where and how does it become possible for us to truly relax, to become reacquainted with our innate, primal breathing pattern (which is not a holding pattern) - our undulating, rhythmic, and fluid breath, with its full, natural, uninhibited inhalation and exhalation cycle, and all the feelings, good, bad or “ugly” that come along with this ‘rediscovered,’ “Intuitive” Breath?
With the tensions and stresses of modern life (coupled with parental conditioning, sometimes well meaning, but often from emotionally unhealthy parents), many of us are accustomed and unconsciously habituated (lacking conscious awareness of our habit, that is) to breathing in a way that is truly sub-optimal. Often this “holding pattern” is a result of some (conscious or unconscious) image that we may both hold about ourselves, and/or wish to project about ourselves to others, but that is anything but the truth of how we may feel about ourselves on the inside!
We may “stuff” down our true feelings (which, if given full expression, are often connected with an open and uninhibited breathing mechanism), becoming remote and distracted even to ourselves from what may truly be in our hearts…because to freely express our true feelings may be just too threatening to ourselves and others, or so we believe, consciously or unconsciously. And without the protective mechanism of “stuffed” feelings, we might just have to blurt out the Truth about our feelings (whatever that might be), and our unfulfilled lives, creating the oh-so-fearful possibility for…(oh dread!)…Change!
To escape this perceived threat (this fear of looking at ourselves in the mirror, and first, admitting to ourselves, then potentially others, and then even possibly acting on….the Truth - whatever it may be, with its Threat of Change), we fill ourselves with food and drink, drugs of many kinds, electronic addictions, addiction to work, and couch potato behaviors at home. We numb ourselves to our-Selves with reality TV shows, “infotainment” on TV and the Net (rather than the real news), every kind of distraction, and empty pursuits. As “spiritual beings having a human experience,” but locked into unconscious “holding patterns” from the painful past, we have often become enmeshed in the mire and illusion of the physical plane, at the expense of some very important parts of ourselves, including our precious intuitive breath.
The kind of chronic “holding pattern” described above, this lack of easy and spontaneous breathing under many, if not most, of life’s circumstances, is, in effect, a dumbing down of one's spontaneous expression of aliveness (as in feelings and emotions, with their many shades and subtle hues) and can contribute to a physiology that is chronically ‘mal-nourished’ of its daily oxygen (and pranic) requirement.
Did you ever stop to focus on relaxing and taking some deep breaths, only to discover that you are suddenly overcome with the sensation of needing to yawn? I have observed this phenomenon consistently when working with the breath with voice students, and also in conscious breathwork sessions. This is the body's way of saying "thank you, I'll have some more of that (OXYGEN), please!” I have also seen the very same thing when working with a chronically ill eldercare client I have cared for, whose breathing, of necessity, is intermittently sub-par. Once stimulated by simple vocal and breathing exercises into taking a few fuller, deeper breaths, her under-nourished body, too, reaches out for more oxygen in the form of irresistible, delicious yawning!
The breath is the razor's edge, the bridge between the conscious and unconscious minds, and the link between the mind and the emotions (for while to 're-spire,' as in respiration, is, according to Webster, "to breathe, to inhale and exhale air successively," 'in-spire' is "to exert an animating, enlivening, or exalting infuence on" or, literally, 'bring in Spirit'). Notice that I have used the terms “conscious or unconscious” several times in this writing. By working directly with the breath, we can become conscious of things that heretofore have remained in the realm of the unconscious, or, stated differently, become aware of that which we are, and have been, unaware.
The breath is unquestionably the main medium by which we sing, speak, and express ourselves, the main carrier of the fuel to our fire (literally, as in oxygen to our cells) and animating force, whereby we remain alive and embodied on this earth! It is both my belief and my experience that the more we are able to become a co-creative master of our breath, the more potential there is for us to experience our own wholeness. This includes becoming aware of, and in conversation with, our heretofore unconscious parts, and our disowned thoughts and feelings. When this occurs, everything about us benefits, including the voice, as we move into greater expansions of our own Being through freeing the breath.
Becoming a co-creative breath master, in this case, implies a re-learning or remembering of how to surrender to our natural, instinctive way of breathing, the free breath (which is generally socialized out of us as children through societal / parental suppression and punishment of unwelcome emotions). If we attempt breath mastery by enforced breathing techniques via mental concept only, with little or no relaxed surrender to the discovery or our innate breath (that being too scary because of all those suppressed, unwanted feelings that might arise if I let go), we risk the frustrated treadmill of “more of the same” - a continued reinforcement of our habitual holding patterns. (See the work of Wilhelm Reich for more on the concept of body armor, ie, where chronic holding patterns reflect a societally imposed, habituated musculature that is “stuck,” unable to fully and freely access the breath, physiology, and emotions in order to live a life free of mental and emotional rigidity.)
It is this state of conscious, relaxed freedom that we seek to embody in order to sing and express in all the fullness of our Being. Discovering-remembering and then, surrendering to one's innate, intuitive breath (and accompanying feelings), brings us more access to our life force and Spirit, for singing or expressing ourselves, or just for optimal health. As we work towards this mastery, we are consciously able to utilize our breath-stream, or Life Force, ever more freely, even playfully, letting go of excessive struggle, in order to express through sound. The study of voice in this context can, therefore, become more than just the study of sound production; it can, if desired, become something much more personally profound.
You can look all of these up in Webster's Dictionary:
spire - pinacle, steeple
spire - to rise in or as if in a spiral
spirare - to blow, breathe
spire - to rise like a spire - literal def.
spirited - full of energy, animation, or courage
spiritus lit. breath; spirare, to blow, breathe
spirit - an animating or vital principle held to give life to physical organisms
aspire - to rise like a spire; aspire (aspirare) - to breath upon (lit.); to seek to attain or accomplish a particular goal
respire - to inhale and exhale air successively
inspire (inspirare - to breathe); to breathe or blow into or upon; to infuse (as life) by breathing; to exert an animating, enlivening, or exalting influence on; to spur on, impel, motivate
ABOUT VOCAL SESSIONS
In vocal sessions, I use my extensive experience and background as a singer/performer, breathworker, long term meditator, energy worker, and “everything else,” enhanced by my intuition, to help you get in touch with your voice, breath, emotions and Spirit in a way that leaves you enlivened and, hopefully, Self-inspired. If you desire to do breathwork only, that is also an option.
The initial 1¼ hr. session, whose purpose is ‘getting to know you,’ and which includes an intake, disclaimer, questionnaire, and discussion of what might best serve you in vocal and/or breath studies, as well as your initial vocal lesson/assessment, costs $50.00. Subsequent voice sessions are approximately 1 hour in length and cost $36-42 (depending on choice of payment plan).
Lengthier sessions, the purpose of which could be to focus on in-depth breathwork, or other specialized needs (such as infrequent sessions on account of distance) are approximately 2 hours in length, and cost $65. Occasionally, someone requests a half hour lesson. I don't encourage this as, in my experience, a lesson should be allowed to unfold without undue time pressure. However, with some students, under certain circumstances, I will do a half hour session which costs $25.
If, for some reason, you find you need more than a one hour session but less than two hours, this can also be arranged, and pro-rated accordingly.
Making an appointment
Please email me to arrange a complementary 20 min. phone chat!
Doe Kelly - B.Music (Voice Performance)
Singer/Performer/Recording Artist
Holistic Voice Teacher/Coach
Breath & Energyworker
Voice Over Actor
Learn more about Doe Kelly.
Copyright 2010 - Doe Kelly, all rights reserved
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